Tales From the Funny Farm: Installment Four

Newt Jerky

Growing up, we had one of these cool fish aquariums that looked like a bubble gum machine. Unfortunately for the fish, none of us (okay, mostly me) were not so good with fish. The inhabitants of the aquarium were always rotating, but our favorite aquatic pets to have were fire-bellied newts.

These little guys were easy to take care of, fairly hardy, and pretty cute as far as lizard-y pets go. The only downside was that they were also crafty, apparently. You see, the bubble gum aquarium had a filter tube right down the middle of it, and it connected to a small hole in the top of the lid. One day, Mr. Newt decided it would be cool to crawl up the tube and climb out of that hole.

My memories are sketchy, but I'm pretty sure we noticed he was missing. We just didn't know what to do about it. If I recall correctly, Mom and I looked around for him, but we couldn't find him. Mindy was pretty young, so we didn't tell her that poor Mr. Newt was gone. Unfortunately, she found out anyway, and it was not pretty...

It was a few days later, or maybe even a week, and Mom and I were in the family room. We both looked up has Mindy walked in the room with something in her hand. Laughing, she said, "Okay, who's got the fake lizard?!" Mom and I looked at each other, and the realization suddenly hit Mindy that she was not holding a fake lizard (by the stiff tail, none-the-less), but was in fact holding our dearly departed Mr. Newt. Mindy screamed and threw the poor guy, and we didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I think we probably did some of both. Then we gave him a proper burial.

Rest in peace, Mr. Newt.